Changelog

Patch Notes

Buffs, nerfs, and 100% fictional updates.

v0.0.7

New Year, New Excuses

  • New: "Blame the patch" macro — automatically cites game updates from the last 6 months.
  • Buff: Lag indicator now shows 999ms at will. Toggle: L key.
  • New: Teammate diff calculator. Always outputs "they're holding you back."
  • Fix: Confidence boost no longer caps at 99%. Now goes to 110% (display only).
v0.0.6

Anti-Detect™ Theater

  • New: Fake "human jitter" on cursor. Makes misses look intentional.
  • Buff: Excuses skill tree: added "Server tick" and "Hitreg" branches.
  • New: Optional "I'm on controller" voice line for every death.
  • Fix: Rage-quit macro now supports 12 languages. Canadian still says sorry first.
v0.0.5

Resolution Revolution

  • New: "Pro settings" overlay — copies streamer configs (cosmetic only).
  • Buff: Win-rate chart accepts custom labels. "Skill" axis now optional.
  • New: Placebo FPS booster. Renders a bigger number in the corner. No actual change.
  • Known issue: DPI slider still goes to Space Program. NASA has not responded.
v0.0.4

Confidence Patch

  • Buff: Ego inflation +900%. May require new chair.
  • Nerf: Excuses now have a 10s cooldown.
  • New: Auto-GG apologizes in Canadian.
  • Fix: "Skill issue" tooltip no longer appears when you miss (we removed the tooltip).
v0.0.3

Stability & Lies

  • Buff: Win-rate chart now only goes up. (PNG included.)
  • New: DPI slider: Normal → Space Program.
  • Fix: Rage-quit macro no longer triggers on alt+F4 (we added alt+F4).
  • Known issue: "Totally Not Cheating" wallpaper may cause existential dread.
v0.0.2

Holiday Nothing-Burger

  • New: AI coach that says "you missed" in 4K.
  • New: Air mousepad (imagination required).
  • Nerf: Motivational gif from 2012 now loads in 2012 speed.
  • Removed: Your dignity (was never in the codebase).
v0.0.1

Launch (We're Serious™)

  • New: Everything. Literally everything on this site.
  • New: Aimbot 3000™, Skillz AI™, Speedboost++™ (names only).
  • New: Excuses skill tree. Fully unlocked from day one.
  • Known issue: Product does not exist. Working as intended.