Bronze Package
$39.99$19.99
- One (1) motivational gif from 2012
- Unlocks Excuses skill tree
- Includes air mousepad (imagination required)
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Pick Your Totally Legit Package
All tiers offer identical power: none. The swagger, however, is premium.
Silver Package
$79.99$49.99
- AI coach that says “you missed” in 4K
- Rage‑quit macro (ESC ESC ESC)
- “Totally Not Cheating” wallpaper
Gold Package
$149.99$99.99
- Win‑rate chart that only goes up (PNG included)
- DPI slider: Normal → Space Program
- Auto‑GG in 12 languages (apologizes in Canadian)
Platinum Package
$399.99$199.99
- Hands‑free gaming; hands‑on disappointment
- Auto‑queue at 3am (peak regret hours)
- Priority support by a bot named Greg